she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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