Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize