Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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