speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
