Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
