i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
