Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
we should paint friendship bongs
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize