Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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