Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
