I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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