i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
