Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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