those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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