ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
