i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
