I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
