she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize