i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
