just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
