Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
