Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
