I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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