I can feel you judging me through the phone.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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