trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He felt like a one man threesome
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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