I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
