I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
