If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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