Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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