dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
