those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
