I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
