so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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