We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
