Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
