It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
