I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
