Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
why do cheetos always look like penises
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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