Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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