I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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