It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
