The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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