Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
