My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
