so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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