Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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