i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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