Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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