I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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