my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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