we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
