i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You're a waste of cheezeits
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
