I just cut my nipple shaving
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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