I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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