so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
