just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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