he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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