I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
