P.S. I can't hear my feet
there was a trapeze. enough said
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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