Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
