1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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