my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
i now understand why vodka
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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