now i know why i became what i already was.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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