i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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