Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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